tom_adamson

one legged goose at the side of the road
head full of thought, about to explode
a.c. newman or a.c. slater
i try to play it cool, not be a hater
but ac/dc gives me a headache
the worship of the past is one big mistake
too much preachin' is focused on the mind
the spirit and the body are left behind
you must start in the world where you're living
sing it once more with me from the beginning
one legged goose at the side of the road
one legged goose at the side of the road
head full of thought, about to explode

i've been thinking. about computers and the internet and sacrifice. i'm gonna say something that will sound glib, but i assure you, it's not without some seriousness. i think facebook is making me a weaker musician. well, hold on, that's like blaming the gun for the drive-by; what i mean to say is, spending so much time with social networking on-line is kind of taking over my brain. my gift of musical expression is precious to me, but it needs the right environment. it needs the right nurturing. and to borrow an analogy from computers, it needs a healthy portion of my brain's primary processor energies. my brain gets full of things from facebook and i want to check it a lot to see if i have notifications, this is not quality brain time. i look at it far too many times a day. it's like junk food for my insecurity/affirmation fixation. i've got to cut back to keep myself sane. i value my creativity and i think it's time to slow down and take the time to do longer, deeper things and not interrupt them.

the internet is a tool.
the crowbar is a tool.
you cannot base your life on a crowbar.

see what i'm getting at?

'twas a time when the internet existed, tame, in a cage and complimented the real lives we all had aside and apart from it. i think we've all moved into the cage with the lions - and it's unclear who the master is.

the only problem i see is this: facebook is a fact of life for people in my culture. it's a veritable lens through which they see the world. if i don't use it like they do, will my music be something they can appreciate? does this matter?

these are merely rhetorical questions. and this post is really my way of expressing a problem i have with myself. i'm feeling sick of social networking internet sites, but i can't seem to stop, and in-fact it's getting worse. action must be taken. i'm not sure exactly what i'm going to do, perhaps set a schedule or something. what kind of example am i setting for my kids - total dependence?

i'm going to sign off for a while.

anyone got a hack-saw?

Abi and Sam are getting to the age where they are discovering real board games and they love them! Last week we played Clue twice and today they are in the midst of a Monoply game.  Sam likes to buy everything regardless of what he has in his bank. Though at this point his real estate empire is quite extensive. Of course his counting skills are still developing. Abi is more shrewd and pays attention to the little details; she makes a little muschevious laugh when she gets money.  When they play Clue they are hilarious, acting out the murders with the pawns and tiny weapons. 


 Abi went to the dentist this morning. I drove her there. On the way, I was playing 89.7 the classical station out of Chicago.  An oboe or clarinet part In the symphony made my pulse quicken - I thought my cell phone was ringing. 
One reason I don't like cell phones is because if their ringtones. If I hear, in a song on the radio, the frequency of my ring tone, I'll do a double take or have a Pavlovian response. This is mildly irritating. I miss my iPhone's old bell telephone ring sound, cos it was a singularly recognizeable sound.

guster is an underrated band. juliana hatfield is awesome.

that said here's an anecdote:

i was just at the grocery store and stopped to look at the newspaper rack. the lead story of the times was something about a failing job market and college graduates. i started lifting the papers and stopped because i realised what i was doing. i was looking to see if there was something different on the papers below it. but of course there wasn't; they all said the same thing.

last night at karaoke the coolest thing happened inbetween two songs. the guy who hosts it, made some weird comment, and i forget what it was. but, everyone who goes somewhat regularly are all friends and relatively laid back, creative type people. anyway, graham said "let's give him the slow clap" so a few people started to clap, awkwardly. then i joined in, as did a few others, the our clapping got in synch and we sped up. then i started stomping inbetween claps, and sarah started dancing around, and then a few other people did little tribal dances and we chanted whatever utterances came out..and this went on for maybe two and half minutes. it felt great, i felt very close to all the people there, but some i barely knew. it was a moment, it stopped the business as usual, almost like something other stepped in and took control, and then passed though to points unknown.

graham's typewriter


type rider: sometimes the only way to be deep, is to be brief.

that said, here are some photos



back in april, i made this portrait of my wife.





samuel's long jump.



graham and i played a wedding in this church, a byzantine orthodox church, the ceremony was in arabic.


i have parted ways with these shoes. the sauconys i bought 'round christmas 2005. before i threw them out, i set them on a table on the front patio at night and light a candle between them. many good times i had with them, but they wore crooked and made my knees hurt.

well, it doesn't rain on the rich if they are driving cars and i am on a bike.

i remember when i was growing up, my dad would often say "it rains on the just and the unjust."
very true.

i've been subbing at the valpo schools a lot lately. i've been assigned to all sorts of subjects and grade levels. a thought occured to me monday, as i worked with "at risk" and learning disabled kids, school can be extremely long and boring and tedious if you don't want to be there. i guess i got soft after teaching classes that were electives for all those years.

monday, we had a track meet in portage, afterwords, i found a four-leafed clover.
yesterday, at track practice, while observing the kids run repeat 200s, i found another four-leafed clover.

that makes 10 in the course of my life time. i used to keep them in an envelope when i was younger.

i rode my bicycle 16 miles today. i've been riding so much, the inside of cars are begining to feel weird.

that's all i'm giving my self. i need to post, but i need to stay on top of my busy sched.

"you may find complete strangers striking up a converastion just to get a closer look at your watch!" [INT: man places rose next to woman's hand, reached to hand, turns it to see watch with digital hands]

does any one remember this 1-800 commercial from the 80s?

one minute to go.

sometimes i wonder if the advent of mass communication (a gradual process over the last 100 years) has decreased humanity's ability to enjoy the intrinsic beauty of the natural world.

tulip trees are blooming all over town

the 4 mile bike ride from my house to st. andrew's is a steady incline maybe 3-5 degrees. and wind is usually off the lake. meaning it's uphill and against the wind. going home, is twice as fast.

30 seconds

the lilac bushes along our fence have green buds
daffodils
dandelions
spring is here

i got the scooter to start last night. i took part of the engine off so that i have to force myself to tune it up correctly this year, not just drive it into the ground like i did last year.

i'm 20 seconds over time

there is still a lot of work needed to be done on me. i don't just want to drive myself into the ground like last year.

paralells
parallels

we are "stewards of the mysteries"

how do you take care of mystery? you present it faithfully.

gotta run.

...a bag of free popcorn.

Yesterday at 7 PM, I was given a bag of free popcorn after our track meet with Tri-County and Attica. You got to understand something about the location of Tri-County. It is near Remington, IN. The school is about 2 miles minimum from any other structure. You feel like you are at the end of the world in the middle of nowhere. It's quite nice, in a way.

You know how much I love popcorn. I was cold from standing in the prarie wind, I was exhausted from a long day and was an hour and half drive from my warm bad. The pocorn was welcome.

My kids ran good. It was our first meet of the year. I was worried about how hard I had pushed them in conditioning, but I think I did just fine. All the performances were what I wanted to see in a first meet, as well as a few pleasant surprises.

Later that night, who knew that the Oriental Trading Company magazine could bring a husband and wife closer together? (Via laughter over the ridiculous items) Plush Hambuger Hat? Ninja Rubber Duckies? 6 foot tall infatable flamingo?

The possibilities, they are always endless.

"that's okay, neither would i."

that couplet was penned by alex swartzengruber, goshen native and main man for the band "original crown jewels." he stopped by the garage (my new "living room") and we did a show one fine March afternoon during his spring break from Indiana University Bloomington. Take a look, (I also make my public debut on accordian):

this is not going to be great prose, no great american novel, no short story for the new yorker. i'm trying to get back in the habit of journaling. my shrink says i've been holding too much in, it's shutting me down. she's probably right.

"creep quasimodo"
i feel like a scary looking guy. both corners of my mouth have little cold sores from stress and the change of seasons. the rest of my lips are chapped. my cheeks are wind-burnt from riding my bike to and from work and coaching track in today's april wind. my ankle is still a little sore from when i sprained it two weeks ago and my quads are sore from the extra physical load of biking and coaching. (i'm biking everywhere again now that it is above 40 consistently, saves gas money and other benefits blah blah blah)

these minor aches and pains seem to be dominating my world. i want them to go away.

i want to write something good. good and interesting things are happening to me, it's just that they are all happening so fast, i've gotten out of the routine of sharing my thoughts about them.

i think my next post will be a picture update now that the first quarter is done.

i got caught out in the rain today while crossing town on my bicycle. i felt alive in that moment. i did not feel sad. traffic was roaring past me on calumet, cold rain hit my face. i was happy.

pre Roman-era Celtic Christian Monks would build small boats out of animal skins and cast themselves onto the depths of the ocean. It was in those times that they had to face themselves if not also their creator. i'm not saying my bike ride was anything as grand as those ancient monk's gestures, but certainly in the same vein.

it's funny how the body and the mind never seem to get it together. when the mind says, "stay up real late." where is the body? why doesn't it say, "hey, that's bad for me." and the next day when the body is tired, the mind can't seem to get the body going, despite what it needs to do. let's face it, the mind needs the body to do it's bidding. maybe what's going on is the body is being recalcitrant, getting back at the mind for it's prior abuse of the body; as if to say, "you didn't listen to me last night, i ain't listenin' to you today."

welcome to my world.

today, it's rainy, cold, dark, and sleepy. i spent a while playing adam roney's accordian, it fit the mood perfectly.

turning 31 was a snap. not only was it sunny and warm, but almost everybody I knew got a hold of me somehow and wished me well. there was no depression at age, like 30, just another day.

on friday, it was so nice, i didn't use a car. got the bike and baby carrier out and me and zeke were on our way. when pedestrians see zeke on my back, it always brings a smile to their face. elizabeth says it's cos we're cute. I think it's just zeke.

i'm gonna go on a walk after this, it's early evening and i'd like to hear the sound of rain on my umbrella. i'll walk downtown to todd's, i think.

this is going to be a year to remember, i feel like it holds a lot of promise.

i'll be turning 31 on thursday. it's true, i'm getting older...can't wear hot pants everyday. ok, i'm only joking around...i'll keep wearing them.

but seriously ladies and germs, i'm going over the hill. i now shave every other day instead of every two days... gonna have to go to the public library and check out this interesting book i saw in the young adult section: "what's happening to my body!?"

you've been a great crowd, i love yaz.

---------

erik fisher and daughter, emily are staying with us tonight. (last night too) he and todd and I will be listening to the new U2 album that releases tonight at midnight. it was a good excuse for a reunion of friends. we've all been into the band since late high school and when we lived together in '98, they provided the point of departure for many good, deep and long conversations.

they've heard it already, via the interet. i've kept myself pure and abstained. i kind of wanted a pre-internet era like album anticipation experience.

i like too, how this has intergrated into a full family experience. emily and abi and sam are getting along famously and todd joined us for a great chinese dinner that elizabeth made last night.

after two cloudy days over the weekend, the sun is out and the sky has that endless winter blue that cheers the soul. i almost want to not be sad about the state of the economy and the state of the environment and all the other things that might make me gloomy.

come spring!

everybody was kung fu fighting
those blows were fast as lightning
in fact it was a little bit frightening

Tonight, I'm gonna be in a video skit shoot for the "Friday Night Live" Troy is directing at the school where he is a high school aide and I have been a night custodian. It is like a Saturday Night Live sketch comedy thing. They've done it a few times this year, each time they've run a series of "LOST" parodies. There is a batch of students who are lost in the school building and weird things keep happening to them. I'm gonna find them in my janitor closet. It should be fun.

I should also announce that I have another job. I've been selected to be the director of religious education at St. Andrew's Episcopal church. This is the church we've been going to since last summer. I really like it there. My job will mean I will be the administrator for the various classes and small groups, I will also be the youth group leader. The youth portion is a pretty big responsibility as the existing group is very active. I have lots of ideas and enthusiasm, should be interesting to see what all happens. Stay tuned.

I didn't go to Honduras, after all. In the final analysis, it didn't make sense for me, right now, to miss that much work/income. I was sad last Thursday, the day I was supposed to leave. After work, I went over to Franklin House for karaoke and saw some familiar faces. That cheered me up, we laughed and danced till late.

I'm trying to find ways to enjoy the winter, despite it's relentless deep freeze. We found some awesome sledding hills on the north side. I try to watch the sunset when I can on my breaks.

When I'm not working, I'm either working on financial homework or de-stressing by tracking the new Tom record.

happy mlk day y'all. i have fond memories of visiting his national historic site in the summer of '07. very inspiring.

we've got snow, snow and more snow here today. life is looking up, but it's still a big climb.

i thought i had more to say.

"DOWN AND OUT IN THE VALE OF PARADISE"

i studied some local history. the town i live in is so named because Captain Porter of the 19th century US Navy (name sake of the county) lost his ship, the Essex, off the coast of Valpariso, in South America, in a battle during the War of 1812. We are named in honor of a defeat.

first things are important, symbollically. everyone i have known who has moved here, came on some idealistic passion for a new start. the begin with the plans they had, only to see those plans dashed and they have to rethink things. the second attempt is usually successful. i think this will also be true in my case.

the people at St. Andrew's have been very good to us. I am not dissapointed in the new church at all.

ok, so it is 2009. i have not had internet at home for a month and so i have not been as active in the virtual world as i was recently. my phone is also off for a while. i have been set back to a pre-1998 kind of lifestyle. and frankly, it's ok. i only fear that I annoy people if they are trying to get a hold of me. i will get those things in order and running again, soon, in time.

my brother jon is coming to see me this saturday to help me get my financial numbers in order. turns out, it's something that one needs to do. i welcome it. i want the freedom that boundaries bring. i don't want the tyranny of choas.

"EVERYONE IS BEAUTIFUL, EVERYONE IS UGLY"

so my internet, just as in pre'98, is done at the library. and i am not alone. there are normal people here, there are creeps, and there are benign people. (who i need to remind myself are children of God and not losers.) creep: the middle aged guy who is here everytime i come in (randomly) he has two internet windows open. one is a marching band/drum corps website, and the an adult swingers networking site and chat room. normal: the 21 or so girl next to me planning, what i think is a honeymoon. benign: the guy in the row infront of me using google to search for images of batman and superman so he can post them as userpics for his blogs and myspace pages.

going broke teaches you that you are not entitled to anything but your dignity as a human. anything beyond your basic human rights, you must seek out and secure(and even those must be gaurded.) the world is a cruel place. be in it, you must, be not of it, you must also.


"OLD SCHOOL"

i am working full time now. as a fill-in custodian at washington twp. high school, just outside of valpo. it's a small school, 400 kids 7-12. i clean a third of the building every night from 2:30 to 11. i'm not a fan of the hours, but they say i'll be able to stay on almost to the end of the year. they lady i'm subbing for is pretty ill.

troy works at this school as an aide. i see him occaisonally. he just got married, in december, and i was a groomsman. barry, monroe, and i played a show in goshen under the name "tom adamson" without troy. he flirted with the idea of coming a long and doing 2 or 3 songs with us, but since we couldn't practice together due to schedule conflicts, he decided to stay home. when i last asked him, he used a quote from "old school", "we [steph and i] might do some shopping, maybe bed bath and beyond, could be a pretty big saturday, i don't know." we shared a laugh and i wondered if had been waiting to get married so he could someday use that exact quote. knowing troy, i have little doubt. there was no hard feelings about the trio and i think we'll try to reunite BRB somehow later in the year.

"MY PREVIOUS BICYCLE"

that being said, the show at the Goshen theater was an island experience. this is in contrast to a mountain top experience. where as you have to crash down from an mountain top experience back to reality, an island experience is where, in the course of your normal life, you have a brief and rich change of pace that stregthens you as you head back into the day to day. all three bands played very well. kicking donkeys and taking names.

it was a good and joyful thing to have barry and monroe together as a rhythm section. the time they spent working with each other in the great BRB push ('04-'06) yeilded, organically, a strong foundation. we were able to take musical risks and color outside the lines last saturday which made our reunion more productive and vibrant, i think, than our little reunion in chicago last august. aside from two or three songs, it was more than note for note nostalgia (although, that has its place.)

yesterday was my wife's birthday. she turned 31. we went to applebees with her sister Val and friend. it was in the middle of a blizzard. adamsons and portes are adventure seeking people. maybe, sometimes, foolishly. but there is a beauty in life that we miss if we don't take chances. the sky is pretty at sunset, we would all agree. but how much better does it look from an airplane? or a high hill. icicles in the morning sunlight seem more beautiful in the cold outdoors than through windows. the forest is more majestic when standing near it in a quiet meadow than it is seen through the windsheild of car. and what of new love? we risk being hurt and people's judgment by falling in love with someone. but how powerful are the embraces and stolen moments together out of view. i'm not advocating recklessness here, but i must say, we had fun. it was a good memory and i am here to tell you about it.

i will turn 31 in a few weeks. and i'm not scared. i welcome it.

"KIDS UPDATE"
abi and sam will be in a production of Peter Pan at their school. Sam is a pirate and Abi is a mermaid and fairy.
zeke can alomost stand unaided. he likes more and more solid food and by my birthday he may be making several recognizable word sounds.

"FROM THE LIVING ROOM"
as for my youtube show, "season two" will begin soon. but it may get renamed "from the garage." i have started recording a new full length solo project. the bulk of the songs are ones you can find on my youtube page, such as "everytime i sing", "cat power song", "beds, bridges, books" etc. tracking is going fast. i'm doing it in Garage Band in my Mac. this is a departure for me, but hear me out. Garage Band is limited in what it can do, just like my analogue four track. i need boundaries to flourish. (there's that theme again) something like pro-tools would just introduce the tyranny of too many choices. as an artist, i try to embrace simplicity and directness. i've got a good mic and nice mixer. i'm ok. this is an experiment in "hi-tech lo-fi."


i've got to get home. i'm hungry.


support the troops. we'll need their help to overthrow the government.

i got Pandora Radio for my iPhone and i love it. i was listening to the Cat Power Station and ads came on a tiny strip at the bottom of the screen. one was for HP, Intel another, was for Burger King. It made Fiona Apple's face look like she was crying a cheeseburger. i laughed.


i wish i could play the drums, i bet i'd be badass.

back in the day, martha stewart was a hottie.

and so were you.

and so was i.


good night, sweet pumpkins.

stella, i mean tom, has got his groove back.